On domestic violence and career women in Nigeria
Recently, I was shocked to read about the death of Ranti Daudu, a lawyer, and I refused to put ‘Wife of former N.B.A chairman, J.B Daudu‘ here, because really before she was a wife or mother, she was an Individual, and I’ll refer to her as one.
Anyway, not only did I read she died, but she also suffered abuse for twenty-eight years. Twenty-eight years, people!
Twenty-eight years of emotional and physical abuse.
Personally I never knew the woman. Never spoke to her. The closest I got to her person was at a law dinner. I and my companions sat on a table close to hers.
She was a tall woman; hips and all. I remember admiring the sparkling red dress she wore.
‘That is J.B Daudu’s wife’- my companion whispered to me.
I was impressed. She was a lawyer, married to another lawyer. Their union impressed me from the outside.
A lawyer couple? Now that’s a prize!
How little I knew!
Now my quarrel is not with the late Ranti herself, but there is something troubling about domestic violence, especially when it involves a career woman.
An illiterate woman, yes you may understand. She has nowhere to go. She has nothing to stand on.
But a career woman. They are supposed to know better, right? But why do they stay, tell me?
Why do women stay in abusive relationships and marriages? Why?
And much more why on earth do their families turn a blind eye? Why exactly and I mean it, why do we treat marriage as a do or die affair?
What exactly is the essence of marriage?
Isn’t it to build a life together? Because honestly life is hard on its own, and it helps if you have a partner along side to navigate it with you.
A husband or wife should be adding immense value to your life, and it’s not about love or the googling eyes we make in bed, or the fact I cannot stop thinking about you. Those things tend to fade as I’ve heard.
Your life? Your hopes? Your dreams? Your aspirations? You should be able to share those with your partner.
When any of these conditions change, especially when they have turned you into a punching bag, it is time to go.
Once I stayed with a family, and I saw the complacent approach relations of the abused took on domestic abuse.
They were aware of how wrong the man had been to hit their daughter, but not enough to take her out of that situation.
No, she doesn’t need to apologize more or say less or act accordingly, he will continue to hit her.
Remove her, and in my opinion, by force. Yes! If you have to drag her out and tie her to a bed until she sees her stupidity unfold before her eyes, and her inevitable fate, then by all means drag her out.
Out of the million ways to die in this country; cancer, accident, ritualists, poverty ,domestic violence is atleast one area you have a choice.
We would love to hear your comments on the issue. Have you ever experienced abusive marriages or relationships? We’d love to hear your comments on this issue. Also, please share your thoughts on how you think people should cope with domestic violence. If you loved this article, please subscribe to Lekki Republic below to stay updated with us.
About the authour:
Amynah Dauda is a writer and a lawyer. She loves reading, hanging out with friends and writing. You can reach her via [email protected]