How to know if truly your crush doesn’t want you

Sometimes, we’re so head over heels in love that we don’t even notice that our crush, well, doesn’t really like us back. Don’t feel stupid or foolish or anything like that. We’ve all been in a situation where we’re so obsessed with someone that we can’t really see the obvious signs that s/he just isn’t feeling us too – and we need an outsider to point it out to us.

Really, that feeling sucks, doesn’t it? The one where you spend an entire hour artfully crafting the perfect text message — and then they respond with a single word? That feeling just blows.

The thing about sensing that a crush isn’t that into you is that you always kind of know on some level. The real problem lies in making yourself understand that your suspicions are, in fact, valid, and at the very least you should stop tying up so much of your personal happiness in whether or not they come on Facebook chat at the right hour or not. It’s an uphill battle for sure, but listening to those instincts are really the crucial element.

Of course, the most obvious sign that someone is not interested in you is that the person is not making any active measures to seek you out. You may have someone who is polite and (shudder) nice on your hands, the kind of person who is likely to respond to your recurring chats with a certain amount of tact and kindness. But there are great yawning ravines of distance between “returning your gestures” and “seeking you out to talk to you on their own.” And that is a distinction we can always make, even if we’re not ready to admit it.

When it has become clear, though — whether by simple common sense or a thorough review of all of your recorded interactions — that you are the one who is constantly initiating conversation, and they are the ones who are always artfully dodging attempts at hanging out with the concentration of someone playing Minesweeper while stoned, you have to give it up. You must suck up what’s left of your pride, resign yourself to the idea that they are one day going to end up dating someone else who is TOTALLY NOT EVEN CUTE AT ALL, and move on with your life. Because I’m not sure there are many things worse than irritating someone you actually love with your attempts at contact.

Yes, that moment (the one where they reply “yea” to your precious baby text message) is a difficult one to bear. But it is also the emotional band-aid that must be ripped off in order to begin the healing of the wound. Once you have that stomach-dropping feeling of “Oh shit, I’m actually bothering them, and they are totally not into me in the slightest,” you never want to have it again.

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