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The ultimate commandment for going on dates with Abuja girls by Bryan J. Harris

Editor’s note: I found this Twitter thread about going on dates with Abuja girls quite hilarious. It was written by a guy named Bryan J Harris. I posted it here with his permission and believe you will find it an interesting read. Maybe it will make you laugh, maybe it will make you cringe, maybe it will give you ideas about other things to do in Abuja.

Enjoy….

Rules of taking an Abuja girl out on a date.

  1. Allow her pick the venue but give her 3 options to pick from. If she insists on a venue outside of your options, propose to her that it’s her treat, she will fall back in line. It’s not that she doesn’t have money, she just greedy die.
  2. If you have a car and she doesn’t , offer to pick her up from her place or office. If she has a car and you don’t, offer… wait. Are you mad? You wan go on date with Abuja babe wey get car and you no get? Better put the date money for PiggyVest stay for house.
  3. If you don’t have a car, get there before her, survey the place for any ex girlfriends or people that you’re owing money, if the coast is clear, wait for her, if it’s not, call her and change the venue. Tell her that you got there and the place is very rowdy.
  4. lease make sure you wait inside the facility and not outside. Inside. Because if you’re standing outside when she arrives with bolt/Uber, you are required by the UN patriarchy charter to pay and she’ll be looking at you with one eye as she opens her purse to pay. Stay inside.
  5. Go on the date with a budget and cash matching the budget. If you plan to spend N10k, then go on the date with N10k cash, keep your debit card at home. So when you’re exceeding your budget, you will be compelled to readjust your expenses.
  6. When the menu comes, allow her pick first then calculate what she picked with your budget, then pick something that falls in the balance of your budget. If she picks something worth 6k, you can pick something worth N3k and everyone will be happy.
  7. If she orders for takeaway and offers to pay, don’t object. She wants you to object and insist on paying for it. Na format. When the waiter is bringing her bill, just use style go use restroom, or dey press your phone, or dey make call. No even look her face.
  8. When she’s done paying, compliment her beauty or her smile. “You have the most lovely smile” It’s obviously a lie. She’s currently squeezing face because you no offer to pay for he takeaway but she cannot reply you that she wasn’t smiling. E dey pain sha.
  9. When the date is over, see her off to her cab. Be a gentleman. Even if you’re going the same way with her, don’t ride with her. Except you’re dropping her off. Let her ride alone..
  10. [*Retracted]Did you have a good time or not?

 

 

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